SCP-5960
rating: +66+x

Item #: SCP-5960

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: All known instances of SCP-5960 are held in low-risk anomalous item storage in Site-309. Disinformation Campaign 181 "Snake Oil" is to remain in effect until 99% of instances are confirmed to be within Foundation inventory. Standard recovery and amnesticization procedures are to be carried out should another Shell-Event be detected.

PoI-6223 is currently under surveillance in Containment Cell 044. In the event that they emerge, they are to be briefly interrogated to gauge their understanding of reality, then reintegrated into society.

Description: SCP-5960 is a beauty product sold as a revitalization cream. Notably, the sole active ingredient is peanut butter, specifically of the "chunky" variety. When applied to the skin, it produces a variety of effects, including wrinkle reduction, liver spot removal, and acne removal. It is also an effective moisturizer, hair growth stimulant, and arthritis relief option in addition to being edible and non-toxic.

While there is only one listed active ingredient, there are several listed inactive ingredients, most of which are commonly used in non-anomalous cosmetic products. Extensive testing has yielded no conclusive results regarding which combination of ingredients is the root cause for SCP-5960's anomalous properties.

SCP-5960 was first discovered on November 14th, 2010, when it became available at Walgreens stores in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Soon after, a series of late-night infomercials began airing, featuring SCP-5960 inventor and spokesperson Jonathan "Johnny" Webbey (designated PoI-6223). These infomercials begin with two women and PoI-6223 applying SCP-5960 to their faces and arms. There will always be a continuous shot of one of the two women displayed on screen. Throughout the showcase, several testimonials will play while PoI-6223 comments on his own experiences with unhealthy skin in his old age. After the last testimonial has aired, all participants will remove SCP-5960 to reveal that their skin has benefited from it, supplementing with before-and-after comparisons.

PoI-6223 reportedly used a similar tactic when doing live showcases of the product, applying SCP-5960 onto his face, neck, and arms while pulling audiences members to try the product themselves. As it always guaranteed fast results, it quickly became known to the general public within two months of active distribution.


Video Log: The following log was taken from a video interview between PoI-6223 and radio host Tom MacNamara, uploaded onto the KEUR FM YouTube channel on January 22nd, 2011.

<BEGIN LOG>

MacNamara: Welcome back, everyone. This is Tom and you are listening to KEUR 99.7 FM. Now, with me in the studio today, you may have heard of him and his, uh, his beauty product, "Webbey's Original Revitalizing Cream". He's been causing a lot of buzz around the internet lately, it's Mr. Johnny Webbey himself. How're you doing, Johnny?

PoI-6223: I'm doing great, thanks for having me. How are you?

MacNamara: Oh, I'm doing pretty good myself! I get to talk to you, after all. You're famous!

PoI-6223: [Laughter] I don't know about that. I'm just an old man.

MacNamara: Sure, sure, sure. Now, Mr. Webbey—

PoI-6223: Yes.

MacNamara: It's no doubt that you've gone "viral" on the internet—

PoI-6223: Yesss.

MacNamara: So tell us, how has that affected you?

PoI-6223: I'm actually not really that bothered by it. I thought I might be, but it turns out it's good for business, and it's been very beneficial to the mission, so I welcome it. Open arms, I welcome it.

MacNamara: That's good spirit. Now, what do you mean by "the mission"? What's the, uh, what's the goal here?

PoI-6223: The goal in mind here is so simple, Tom: to look good! You and me, we're getting older every day, and it shows, doesn't it? It shows in your face, in your posture, in your speech, all sorts of ways. I figure that, hey, we deserve to look good in our old age, right? So, I'm doing what I can to accomplish that.

MacNamara: Can't say I disagree. I think I speak for all of us when I say you're doing the Lord's work out there.

PoI-6223: I'm just doing what I would want for everyone else.

MacNamara: Sure. So, I gotta ask: a lot of people have been bringing this up online. I'm sure you've heard it by now, too. After all, when you get success like this, there's bound to be a few skeptics out there. Anyway, a lot of people have been pointing out the ingredients listed here, specifically the peanut butter… Mind explaining that?

PoI-6223: To be honest, Tom? There's not much to explain there. It's peanut butter. Simple as that.

MacNamara: Sure, okay, but how do you make that decision? Why peanut butter?

PoI-6223: Funny story, actually. One day, I was making myself a PB&J sandwich — I'm more than 60 years old and I still enjoy them, believe it or not — and I had an itch on my nose. So, I scratch it. And I smear some peanut butter on my face. Well, I'm a bit of a clean freak—

MacNamara laughs loudly.

PoI-6223: It's true, it's true! I don't like getting too messy. So, I go to the bathroom to wash it off. I see myself in the mirror with this streak of peanut butter across my cheek and on my nose and I think, "Man, when I was a kid, I could care less about what got on my face!" One of those "Oh, to be young again" moments. And that's where I got the idea for it. I learned how to make my own peanut butter from home, figured out some of the finer stuff about cosmetics… and here we are!

MacNamara: That's all well and good, Johnny, but that doesn't really answer my question about how the peanut butter does all this.

PoI-6223: Ha, well, let's just say it's a company secret, then. I still got to make a living, you know.

MacNamara: Sure, sure. And I hope you'll forgive me for laughing a bit there. I was already having a hard time taking you seriously with all that stuff on your face.

PoI-6223: It's not a big deal. I get that a lot and I plan on getting it some more. We're still taking this out on the road and showing it to people to get the word out. I always do the demonstrations myself, too. I think it makes the customers feel a bit like they can approach you.

MacNamara: Alright, well, thanks for coming on today, Johnny. Where can people find your product?

PoI-6223: Just about anywhere they sell organic cosmetics. You can also buy some online at my website, "webbeys.biz".

MacNamara: It's been a real pleasure. And for what it's worth, you don't look a day over 40.

PoI-6223: That's the plan. Thanks for having me, Tom.

<END LOG>


Shell-Event 1: The first known Shell-Event occurred on February 11th, 2011, when PoI-6223 suddenly went missing. He was to attend a scheduled live showcasing of SCP-5960, but never arrived. As hired staff and PoI-6223 had stayed in separate hotels that evening, it was assumed that PoI-6223 was running late.

At approximately 11:30 AM, hired assistant Matthew Tallhardy contacted hotel staff to check on PoI-6223. When they had attempted to contact him via phone, he did not answer, which prompted hotel staff to enter the room. All of PoI-6223's belongings were still present, along with a near empty container of SCP-5960 in the bathroom and a large pale red peanut on the bed, covered in blankets.

The peanut, approximately 2 meters in length, was assumed to be a large prop left behind by PoI-6223 and an attempt was made to group it with the rest of his belongings. Two of the hotel staff lifted it off the bed, though it had been dropped due to the unexpected heaviness of the object. After this, witnesses present had reported they heard something similar to a child crying coming from inside the peanut.

Emergency services were called immediately after the incident. The peanut was brought into Foundation custody by embedded personnel in local medical care facilities.

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