Nash Pinkle's Guide to the Foundation
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Nash Pinkle was a facilities specialist employed by the SCP Foundation. Though his employment has recently ended, he did express interest in becoming a Foundation researcher, and at one time attempted to submit the following “guide” as a body of research work for review. It remains here for archival purposes only and should not be used for reference.

"Someone wouldn't really use this for reference, now would they?"
"Don't look at me like that. Please don't tell me someone used this for actual reference."

Nash Pinkle’s Definitive Guide to Amono Anemo Anime Weird shit

Ello, I’m Nash Pinkle. And this is my guide to the different kinds of weird shit at the Foundation. See, all o these things can be grouped into “groups”, or “another word for groups”, that you can define by asking one simple question: wot if?

Editor's Note: Text below contains only highlights from the original 57-page list.

Word Wot it mean
Safe Wot if you could lock scary things up?
Euclid Wot if you could lock scary things up, sorta?
Keter Wot if you couldn't lock scary things up?
Thaumiel Wot if it locked OTHER scary things up?
airborne Wot if scary could fly??
aquatic Wot if scary could swim?
sentient Wot if scary could think?
alive Wot if scary was alive?
autonomous Wot if scary was alive but NOT alive?
automaton Wot if robots were scary? Fukken hell, robots are scary.
hostile this is all of them, u can’t tell me diffrnt
skeletal SKELTALS

"This is…"
"Incredible, right?"
"It's something. I don't know what it is. But it's something."

bovine Wot if cows were scary? I could punch a cow y’know
canine Wot if dogs were scary?
arboreal Wot if trees were scary?
humanoid Wot if people was scary?
mathematical wot if numbers was scary
narrative wot if stories was scary
religious Wot if church was scary? A nun smacked me once
artistic Wot if art was scary?
sculpture Wot if art was scary IN 3-D??
arachnid SPIDERS
concept Wot if ideas was scary?
contagion Wot if germs was scary?
electrical Wot if batteries were scary?
meta wot if SCARY was scary

"You alright?"
"I'm feeling lightheaded."
"Yeah. Like…what if scary was scary. Think about it, John. What if?"

cognitohazard Wot if it was scary to see or hear it?
memetic Wot if it was scary to know about it?
infohazard Wot if it was scary to talk about it?
memory-affecting wot if you didn’t know about scary
antimemetic wot if you didn’t know about scary and IT WOODNT LET U
mind-affecting Wot if scary got in yer head
compulsion Wot if scary made you do stuff?
Hallucinatory wot if scary made you see stuff?
Transfiguration Wot if scary made you INTO stuff?
future wot if scary was LATER
historical Wot if scary was EARLIER
extradimensional Wot if scary was somewhere else
extraterrestrial Wot if scary was FROM somewhere else
language Wot if scary could talk
mobile Wot if scary could walk
immobile Wot if scary couldn’t walk
predictive Wot if scary KNEW stuff
knowledge Wot if scary made you KNEW stuff

"That's…oddly poetic."
"I know, right?"

location wot if u could go to scary city
online Wot if u could go to scary dot com
loop wot if scary again
media wot if scary was on tape
reanimation ZOMBIES
adaptive Wot if scary got scarier?
empathic Wot if scary had feels?
self-repairing Wot if scary had heals?
carnivorous Wot if scary had meals?
miniature wot if scary was small
microscopic Wot if scary was really small
observational Wot if it was scary when you looked at it
ocular Wot if it was scary when it looked at you

"The most terrifying thing about this is that it's just so…accurate."
"Gives me chills."

visual wot if you could see scary?
interactive wot if you could touch scary?
acoustic Wot if you could hear scary?
olfactory what if you could smell scary?
food wot if you could eat scary?
toxic wot if you COULDN’T eat scary?
gaseous Wot if you could breathe scary?
clothing Wot if you could wear scary?
game Wot if you could play with scary?
furniture wot if you could sit on scary?
tool Wot if you could use scary?
ontokinetic wot if scary could do anything
paradox wot if scary broke everything
predatory wot if scary hunted you
self-replicating Wot if scary made more scary
sexual fuckin’ scary


"Oh no."

Dr. Gears Wot if smart people was scary
Director Actus wot if old people was scary
SCP-682 Wot if it was so scary u couldn’t kill it
●●|●●●●●|●●|● Wot if it was so scary u couldn’t write about it
SCP-055 Wot if it was so scary u couldn’t know about it
SCP-4885 Wot if Waldo was scary
SCP-096 Wot if a face was scary
SCP-426 Wot if I was a toaster (and scary)
SCP-999 Wot if jello was scary
SCP-871 Wot if cake was scary
SCP-3930 Wot if nothing was scary
SCP-3393 wot if u were scary

"This is awful. It's the same question over and over again. It's not in any discernible order."
"But like…I feel like I understand the subject matter better now. I feel ashamed."
"We all do, doctor. We all do."

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