SCP-5496
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scp

SCP-5496

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5496 is to remain in a secure item storage locker at Site-83. Bovines affected by SCP-5496 are to be collected in liquid storage units until they can be properly disposed of.

Description: SCP-5496 is a machine capable of generating a localized anomalous thunderstorm. Any animal from the subfamily Bovinae that hears the thunder and is directly underneath the thunder cloud SCP-5496 generates will liquefy completely before solidifying as approximately four kilograms of American cheddar cheese. This by-product has been designated SCP-5496-1.

SCP-5496 is capable of levitation through currently unknown methods. If left unimpeded, SCP-5496 will maintain an altitude of ~4.5km. There are several buttons and levers on the side of SCP-5496 that function as a control panel. The exact purpose of each of these inputs has yet to be discovered.

There is an LED monitor on the top of SCP-5496 that reads "Thunder". Manipulation of the inputs does not alter this message.

SCP-5496-1 is highly volatile and will generate heat at approximately 39° Celcius when exposed to oxygen. Due to the internal temperature of SCP-5496-1 and its molecular composition, SCP-5496-1 typically manifests in a liquid state. Instances of SCP-5496-1 are capable of producing non-anomalous Bovine noises such as mooing, groaning, and snoring. The mechanism for the production of these noises is unknown.

Discovery

SCP-5496 was discovered when the entire stock of cattle present at the Catskill Cattle Company, LLC1 spontaneously liquified during a thunderstorm. Several members of MTF-Lambda 11 ("Got Beef?") were assigned to work undercover at the company in order to monitor and prevent further cattle liquefication.

SCP-5496 was found shortly after it landed inside one of the Catskill Cattle Company cows after deactivating.

Lonny Schaefer, owner of the company and shareholder of Marshall, Carter, and Dark Ltd. stock, alerted the local authorities regarding the incident, and embedded Foundation agents were dispatched.

According to Schaefer, Lyanna Kalho (Designated PoI-5496) had been harassing them for several weeks prior to this incident. Mr. Schaefer was suspicious of PoI-5496's involvement in this incident, and threatened to pursue legal action against the Foundation for failing to secure her property. This action prompted a thorough investigation, and PoI-5496 was apprehended swiftly.

Mr. Schaefer and all associated witnesses were supplied a shipment of fifty synthetically manufactured cattle, and 55% of their losses were recuperated at the expense of the Foundation.

Interview PoI-5496

In the weeks following SCP-5496's discovery, MTF Lambda-11 uncovered PoI-5496's base of operation; a nearby meat processing facility. The interior of the facility had been converted into a rudimentary laboratory. Several anomalous and non-anomalous machines were present therein, including replica components found on SCP-5496.

PoI-5496 was apprehended after being discovered hiding inside of a cow carcass in the facility's meat storage freezer.

Interviewer: Dr. Gem Ground

Interviewed: PoI-5496

Dr. Ground: PoI-5496, what were you do-

PoI-5496: I ain't tellin' you nothin' 'till them cows come home.

Dr. Ground: Excuse me?

PoI-5496: You heard me, Essie P. I know your type. You won't do anythin' to me if I don't tell you how the machine works.

Dr. Ground: We have ways of getting around that, Mrs. Kalho.

PoI-5496: Oh.

[ There is silence. ]

PoI-5496: Well I still ain't talkin'.

Dr. Ground: We can offer you amnesty, Mrs. Kalho.

PoI-5496: And what, I say, do you think I need that for?

Dr. Ground: You've spent the last few weeks melting cows. There are repercussions for this.

PoI-5496: Are there repercussions for my losses then?

Dr. Ground: Your losses?

PoI-5496: Damn right. The Catskill Cattle Company has wronged me Mr. Essie P. Violated me in worse ways than even you shadowy government types can imagine. I'm gettin' justice where justice needs to be got.

Dr. Ground: What did they do?

PoI-5496: For years I've had to listen ti their cows chewin' cud in the middle of the night. Smackin' their big nasty cow lips. It would drive anyone crazy. And the customers, oh my god the customers. Have you ever worked retail, Mr. Essie P?

Dr. Ground: I can't say that I have.

PoI-5496: Customers are assholes. And for the only farm around for miles, all the assholes come together in one place and shit all over each other. It's too much. A technomancer needs her sleep. And that's not even the worst of it.

Dr. Ground: It's not?

PoI-5496: Those entitled fuckers charged me $35.99 for a carton of eggs. That's like three bucks an egg!

Dr. Ground: S-so. You've been melting their cows because you bought overpriced eggs?

[ PoI-5496 nods. ]

PoI-5496: I built a machine. Somethin' I knew that would hit 'em where it hurt. Now look, it ain't my fault cows melt when exposed to thunder. All things considered, I could have done a lot worse. No one hurts my wallet like that and gets away with it.

PoI-5496 is currently detained at Site-83. Since her detainment, the Catskill Cattle Company's stocks have increased dramatically, as have their profits. The investigation into this phenomenon yielded no signs of anomalous activity, and it was deduced that SCP-5496 and PoI-5496 were the sole factors in the Catskill Cattle Company's poor market performance.

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