SCP-5685
rating: +35+x
G

The location of Provisional Site-100.

Item #: SCP-5685

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: Provisional Site-100 has been established around SCP-5685 to assist in containment. Every Friday, three members of MTF Mu-13 ("Ghostbusters") are to be present on site to ensure that the apparitions manifesting around SCP-5685 do not harm on-site personnel or enter a human settlement.

Description: SCP-5685 is an Airstream motorhome located in an unpopulated area of the Gobi Desert in Mongolia. On Fridays, at UTC 12:00 am, SCP-5685 will begin to emit sounds in a rhythmic, musical pattern up to 120 dB and produce a variety of colored lights from its windows. As this occurs, 20 to 30 Class-I apparitions will manifest around SCP-5685 armed with picket signs, baseball bats, fruit, and toilet paper1. The apparitions will then proceed to vocalize, shouting obscenities and other derogatory statements, while throwing objects towards SCP-5685. Due to the apparition's focus on SCP-5685, they will not willingly move away from it and will typically ignore Foundation personnel. At 6:00 am, SCP-5685 will return to its original state and the apparitions will demanifest.

All attempts to examine the interior of SCP-5685 by forced entry or relocate the anomaly have failed.

5685-UPDATE-1:

On December 13th, 1996, a Class-II apparition, identified as PoI-6852, stood on top of SCP-5685 and claimed that Foundation personnel were responsible for its inability to access SCP-5685. How PoI-685 manifested near SCP-5685 without Foundation personnel knowing is currently unknown and is being investigated. The transcript is below:

Incident Log-01


«BEGIN LOG»


PoI-685: Hello. Hello? I said hello!

The Class-I apparitions simultaneously turn towards PoI-685.

PoI-685: Good, good. Now that I got your attention, I want to ask you, why are you here?

Unknown Voice 1: My wife leaked my porn collection to my entire family when I died, and now I'm forever shamed and can't pass on.

PoI-685: Um, nice story. But I'm asking you all why you're all here at this spot, not still here-here. Get it? I'll tell you why! It's because you all wanna get down and throw the biggest party the whole damn afterlife has ever seen! I can see it in your eyes, hear it in your voices, feel it in all of your, uh… souls? You want the music, the drinks, the lights, the excitement your wispy wishy-washy ghostly vessels deprived from you. Name one other place that'll give you that - just one! - Yeah, that's right, there is none.

The group of apparitions begins to mummer and whisper to each other.

PoI-685: And do you know why we can't get in? Because those assholes inside decided we weren't good enough! They say we'll 'ruin the feel'! That is some grade-A bullshit right there. They're just a bunch of selfish good-for-nothings. I won't have it and you shouldn't either! But that's not the end of it. No siree, those eggheads in those fancy coats in the back, behind you, right there, can't miss them. Really, please, just turn around.

Several apparations observe Junior Researcher Richard eating from a bag of chips. Once Researcher Richard notices this, he retreats to Provisional Site-100.

PoI-685: See that? Why would they run? Because they're part of it, that's why. That's why they here—to keep us out! Want to know what I say we should do? I think we should mess them up real good and make sure they don't show their sorry asses around here again!

George Washington once said "Give us death or give us punch", and since they can't give us death, I want the fucking punch right now! Am I right, or am I right?

Unknow Voice 2: He's right! I was there when George Washington said it.

PoI-685: That's what I'm talking about, man! Come up here and give me a high-five!

A Class-I apparition levitates above SCP-5685 and gives PoI-685 a high five.

PoI-685: So we won't stop until we get what we want, right?

The apparitions shout in agreement.

PoI-685: Yeah! That's what I'm talking about!

The apparitions begin to smash their signs against SCP-5685, which they then turn into plasma and demanifest. The apparitions then begin to proceed towards Provisional Site-100 repeating the phrase "Give me death or give me punch!".

PoI-685: Yeah, that's right! That's right.


«END LOG»

Con

PoI-685 circa 1983.

As Provisional Site-100 was assaulted by 26 Class-I apparations, PoI-685 separated from the group and disappeared from view. MTF Mu-13 was deployed to engage and disperse the apparitions. After this event, the apparitions were observed to be more hostile towards Foundation personnel.

5685-UPDATE-2:
At 2:00 AM on December 27th, 1996, a circle about fifty meters in diameter with various thaumaturgic symbols inscribed inside its perimeter appeared around SCP-5685. PoI-685 was observed giving a speech to several apparitions while standing on top of SCP-5685, accompanied by an approximately three-meter tall humanoid with red skin and caprine features dressed in a formal black suit that was carrying several documents.

Samuel Bond, Head Researcher of SCP-5685, confronted PoI-685 from 15 meters away through a megaphone while secured inside a vehicle. The transcript of their exchange is below:

Incident Log-02


«BEGIN LOG»


As the vehicle approaches, PoI-685 ceases talking and turns towards Bond.

PoI-685: So that's why I need a tenth of your soul—Why, hello there! Wait, that's you, isn't it? Sammy! How long has it been since we last met? Must have been awhile. I thought you were still working for good ole America.

Bond: How did you even get here? The last time I saw you, you were screaming like a banshee when you went to Hell.

PoI-685: I did, but as you can see, I'm still looking peachy! Made some same new friends while I was there, too. You see folks, me and him go way back.

Unknown Voice 1: Why you acting so friendly with him? You said we couldn't trust those eggheads!

PoI-685: And who said I do trust him? I'm just doing what they always say, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Ain't that right, buddy?

Bond: I'm not your buddy.

PoI-685: Sure you're not. So what do you want, my old fleshy friend?

Bond: What is your game here, Samthems? Do you really think I let you do whatever you please? This isn't like 84', I can put you in a box quicker than you can run that mouth of yours.

PoI-685: Sheeesh. This new job of yours must have you even angrier than you were before. I'm just here talking to my brothers and sisters on what our next plan for liberation is!

Bond: And that is?

PoI-685: We're going to make our own city! With its own rides, stores, casinos, and everything. And, of course, me as their leader.

Unknown Voice 2: Yeah! I want a carousel!

PoI-685: And you're going to get it!

Bond: And I assume it is going to be the help of that demon beside you, right?

The Caprine entity bends down and whispers into the ear of PoI-685.

PoI-685: Um, that's classified. Just know I have friends, friends in low places. And they're going help us stick it to the man upstairs.

Unknown Voice 3: Yeah, about that, though. I like my soul, and we don't have any money.

Bond: Of course you don't. He's a liar, he's just using you for who knows what. In fact, you all need to leave this place, now. This man brings nothing but bad news, trust me.

PoI-685 throws a stack of money towards an apparition.

PoI-685: A little piece of your being taken wouldn't hurt if you got some money! Now would a liar give his people some compensation?

Bond: Yes! That's exactly what they'd do.

PoI-685: Then why would this fine gentleman beside me associate with me.

Bond: It's a demon!

PoI-685: Wow! Judging people because of what they are? Shame!

Unknown Voice 3: Yeah, shame on you!

Unknown Voice 1: We don't want your kind here! Git on out! Git!

Bond: Listen, he's—

Unknown Voice 4: Shame!

The crowd of apparitions begins to shout "Shame" repeatedly until Bond leaves the area.

PoI-685: Yo, how long would it take for [pointing upwards] to find out about this?

Caprine entity: I don't know.

PoI-685: Great.


«END LOG»

Every Friday since this incident, PoI-685 has manifested with a podium on top of SCP-5685 with the caprine entity at their side. Upon manifesting, PoI-685 will began to give speeches on topics about injustice, courage, piety, and the economics of a soul. Subsequently, the number of apparitions manifesting around SCP-5685 has increased with each consecutive Friday, reaching a population of 112 instances carrying objects3 bearing PoI-685’s face. When a Class-I apparition was captured during one of these events and questioned on why they are supporting PoI-685 in their goal they stated:

He's going to get us what we want, bitch! That's right, we're going to build our own shit in front of their shit and see how they like being kept from things. Yeah! So I got to give a part of my soul, it'll all be worth it in the end. How do I know? He said so, that's how!

Wait, hold up, what is that? What the fuck are you guys about to do? [Extraneous Information Cut]

Head Researcher Samuel Bond then initiated several campaigns to discredit PoI-685 by using the information of their past actions, albeit changed and dramatized to prevent an informational breach. However, this has resulted in Bond being declared as a "clown" by the apparitions that manifested around SCP-5685 - who now yell at him whenever he appears around them. On the last campaign, when Bond was forced to leave after excrement of an unknown entity was thrown at him, the circle around SCP-5685 began to illuminate for several minutes until 450 Class-I apparitions, 312 humanoid demonic entities, a Ferris wheel, five roller coasters, two twenty-story hotels, several entertainment centers, a 100-meter ta tall golden building with a neon sign in the shape of PoI-685's face on its side, and a 500 meter in diameter wall with a five-meter tall golden gate surrounding the objects manifested around SCP-5685.

carnival

A section of SCP-5685-1.

These structures were collectively designated as SCP-5685-1. A group of 30 four-meter tall winged reptilian demonic entities were positioned around SCP-5685-1 and would attack any Foundation personnel that approached it. Provisional Site-100 was spatially relocated 1,000 meters away by unknown means during this event. No missing persons or casualties.

Head Researcher Samuel Bond called an emergency meeting with Director of Thaumatic Site-100 (Alexander Lamb) and Head Captain of MTF Mu-13 (John Macleod) to discuss future containment of SCP-5685 and PoI-685. The transcript is below:

«BEGIN LOG»


Bond: We are in trouble. Through unforeseeable events, the apparitions that manifest around SCP-5685 have organized themselves with demonic guards and… amusement rides. They even extended their manifestation time, somehow. We believe this is the cause of this apparition, Douglas Samthems, that they were able to accomplish this. He claimed to be from another dimension and committed several paranormal crimes in the 1980s. We thought he was self-contained in Hell after his last outburst, but we were clearly wrong.

Lamb: Weren't you with the UIU when we stopped them? Why didn't you request reinforcements to get him contained earlier if he was this much of a nuisance?

Bond: He was mostly harmless, especially since his partner was captured. I didn't think it would get this bad this quickly. Besides, we could have used resources for something more grave than a motorhome at the time.

Lamb: Like your speeches against him. Because I saw them, and they're sure ain't pretty. One part screaming two parts complaining.

Bond: Sir, If you have seen them, then you know I did my best. That man has a talent with comes to situations like these. In fact, when I first encountered—

Lamb: I didn't ask for an explanation.

Macleod: If I may interject, I still don't really know why I am here.

Bond: To capture Douglas, the ghost!

Macleod: Yeah, but I can't do that when there are demons outside that'll breathe fire at us the moment we get six feet near them. If you have a girl that appears in mirrors and writes on walls with blood and feces, we're the guys to call. But this, hell no. My momma raised no fool.

Bond: So you're telling me you can't do your one job—bust ghosts?

Macleod: Listen, if you think we're going tussle with five-hundred pounds of demonic muscle you need a mental check! Get real.

Lamb: Enough! We need to focus on the situation at hand. Samuel and the ghost man are clearly responsible for this, so we're just going to have to form a plan to get rid of the demons, and then take out the kingpin.

Agent Willet, visually distressed, comes inside the meeting room.

Willet: A huge entity just appeared in the sky in front of the buildings in SCP-5685-1!

Bond: How? What is it?

Willet: I don't know, but it's calling for you, sir.

Bond: And? Why would I go there because it said my name?

Willet: They say they're the sword of God.

Bond: What?

Willet: And they sound pissed.


«END LOG»

At 7:00 am, a ten-meter tall, luminescent, multi-winged humanoid descended from the sky and levitated in front of the largest building in SCP-5685-1. PoI-685 was observed on top of the building waving a pole with a white flag attached to it and wearing several crosses.

An assembly of eight Foundation personnel was deployed and given aerial transport to assist with the situation. This operation was lead by Samuel Bond due to his experience with PoI-685 and expertise with demonic and spectral entities. It is to note that deployment was not interfered with by the demonic entities surrounding SCP-5685-1.

Incident Log-03


«BEGIN LOG»


As the helicopter carrying Samuel Bond lowers on the roof of the targetted building, multiple apparitions4can be seen surrounding PoI-685.

Bond: Samthem, what in the lor—

PoI-685: I wouldn't say that right now if I was you. My new guest in front of us is a bit sensitive to that type of language.

Bond: What have you done?

PoI-685: It's more of what have we done situation now. You and I and are getting judged, buddy!

Bond: Judged? Judged on what?

Winged Humanoid: Douglas Ventile Samthems of the unknown worlds and Samuel Bond of Earth, you are both found guilty on all accounts of producing reckless noise around one of thy's many Providences! You have five cycles to cease all activities and leave thy's land or accept thy consequences.

Bond: Me? I am one who tried to stop him from being around your "Providence".

Winged Humanoid: Lies! Were you not the one who participated in the acts of debate with Samthems?

Bond: What?

Winged Humanoid: Were you not the one who perpetrated the encouragement of protest against thyself?

Bond: That wasn't on purpose!

Winged Humanoid: Silence! Your lips drip nothing but venom and untruths. You are guilty!

Bond: Guilty?

PoI-685: He got you there, Sammy. But don't worry, this'll be over in a second.

Excuse me, you, who stands on top of those who are below. The only reason you are having so much noise outside your place is that you wouldn't let all these kind folks around me enter it. Besides, who uses an RV for a Providence? You're just asking for junkies.

Unknown Voice 1: Yeah—

PoI-685: Shutup, I'm talking. So yeah, this can all end if you just open your doors and let us have fun for a few millennia.

Winged humanoid: Irrevelant! Judgment has already been placed, there is no—

PoI-685: Or you could just let us stay and have our little place for ourselves. I have a permit from H.E. double L. And one of the big shots there has taken a liking to this place, so I'd be careful if I was you. Don't want to mess with their bottom line.

Winged humanoid: Blasphemy! To think we of the High Order would take the writings of that place as legitimate is absurd! They deal in trickery, we deal in re—

PoI-685: Woah! Read before you judge, my friend, I promise it has more than you think.

The winged humanoid levitates down as PoI-685 produces a document from his back pocket and gives it to them. After several minutes of reading, it speaks.

Winged Humanoid: And this includes the capital and [Illegible] that will go through your domain?

PoI-685: You betcha!!

Winged humanoid: And the food?

PoI-685: If you so choose to dine.

Winged Humanoid: Understood! I will bring this new information to the Supreme one. You are allowed to exist around thy's providence for now!

The winged humanoid begins to glow brightly before forming into a sphere and accelerating upwards into the sky before disappearing from all view.

Bond: The hell did you do?

PoI-685: Sammy, the same thing I'm going to do with you. Make a deal!


«END LOG»


5685-UPDATE-3:

Due to the elongated manifestation time of SCP-5685-15 and the increased presence of Abrahamic entities after Incident-03, Provisional Site-100 has been transformed into Site-78 to accommodate its new function. An agreement for dealing with SCP-5685-1 has been made with PoI-685, which includes the following details:

  • Selected Foundation personnel may enter, monitor, or apprehend guests and residents of SCP-5685-1 that are considered Persons of Interest and are not affiliated with PoI-685's inner circle.
  • Foundation personnel will not display open hostility towards the populace of SCP-5685-1.
  • Foundation personnel will help in the advertisement of SCP-5685-1 inside the anomalous spectral community to ensure its effectiveness and longevity.

For a full list, see SCP-5685 Treaty Vol.1.

A conference meeting was shortly held after it's an inscription with PoI-685, Alexander Lamb, and Samuel Bond to solidly the agreement.


«BEGIN LOG»


Foreword: The meeting was held in a secluded area near Site-78. It consisted of Samuel Bond, PoI-685, and Alexander Lamb via a digital monitor.

Lamb: So is that all you have to tell me, Douglas?

PoI-685: You set up your little surveillance unit in my town and catch whoever's on your blacklist or whatever you call it, and I'll make sure nobody interferes with your business. Only if you make sure nobody messes with mine.

Lamb: And?

PoI-685: Five percent of all my profits go to you. Satisfied?

Bond: This is ridiculous. This is him we are talking about! He almost killed hundreds in '84. He almost killed me! Who even knows if this "town" of his would even work!

PoI-685: I didn't almost kill you—I was closer than that. And, besides, with the deals I made, there's no way this place won't be booming. And I would never try to you hurt you folks. Scouts honor.

Bond: We can't accept this. I won't accept it!

Lamb: You're going have to deal with it, Director. This did happen on your watch, or have you forgotten that?

Bond: I have already explained myself. We are caught between a deal between Heaven and Hell, we can't afford to trust someone like him in this matter.

Lamb: We don't need trust from him if you do your job right.

PoI-685: I agree, trust is overrated.

Bond: I just can't believe it.

PoI-685: When you think about it really hard, they're all of them are the same, really. You just need to find out what they want, like I did you to you. You got to look in the future, Sammy, we are all trying to make things work here. So what about it? [Extends their hand towards Bond.]

PoI-685: Partners?

Bond: Fuck you.


«END LOG»

Site Director Samuel Bond is to assist in the longevity and success of this agreement.

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